A team of Rochester psychologists reveals the truth about honesty in answering tough questions.
鈥淗oney, do you think I look good in this outfit?鈥� That鈥檚 hands down a loaded question. One that begs an even deeper question鈥攊s honesty always the best policy in a relationship? While a truthful answer may offend and lead to a quarrel, a dishonest one may create trust issues down the road. Does telling the truth strengthen romantic relationships, or does it backfire?
, an assistant professor in the at the 人妻少妇专区, may have the answer鈥攂ased on a with more than 200 couples. Published in the journal , her team鈥檚 research looks at the role of honesty in romantic relationships.
The study, based on face-to-face conversations between romantic partners in a lab setting, examined the effects of expressing honesty, perceiving honesty, and accurately discerning聽honesty among romantic partners who shared so-called relationship-threatening information. Specifically, the study participants talked in one-on-one conversations with their partners about a change they wanted to see in the other.
The finding? Just tell the truth.
Of course, most of us value honesty in our close relationships, romantic or not. Honesty can help create a connection and foster closeness; yet it can also hurt our partners when we share potentially聽threatening information, such as, 鈥淚 really dislike when you do x,鈥� or, 鈥淚 wish you鈥檇 do y instead.鈥�
But, in the long run, expressed and perceived honesty has several positive effects, according to the Rochester team.
鈥淲e found聽that being more honest in expressing a desired change predicted greater personal and relationship well-being for both partners, as well as greater partner motivation to change in the moment,鈥� says Le. 鈥淭he same pattern emerged when the person receiving a request to change perceived honesty in their partner, regardless of whether their partner was being honest or not.鈥�
Le, together with Rochester graduate students , , and , discovered that even if partners in a relationship don鈥檛 perfectly understand or accurately perceive each other鈥檚 honesty, the simple act of expressing honesty and being perceived as honest by the other partner has a positive effect on the relationship and contributes to its overall well-being. Essentially, the effort to be truthful matters more than flawless accuracy in its perception.
鈥淭hese results collectively suggest that being honest and seeing honesty in a partner can benefit relationships,鈥� says Le. 鈥淓ven when the truth may hurt.鈥�
One caveat: These findings are based on a sample of couples in relatively good relationships, according to Le. Future research might look at whether the same pattern holds true for distressed couples.
