人妻少妇专区

Alumni Gazette

Mary MacDonald 鈥�94 recalls what the psychiatrist at Harvard鈥檚 McClean Hospital said to her while treating her mother, who had been diagnosed with frontotemporal degeneration.

鈥淢ary, I鈥檓 so sorry this is happening to you. There are two psychiatric illnesses that are the hardest on the family members. This is one of them.鈥�

For the 18 months between her mother鈥檚 diagnosis and death on Christmas Eve 2008, MacDonald鈥檚 life would become unrecognizable to her. 鈥淥ne week I was working at Fidelity Investments, making a six-figure salary designing their corporate websites,鈥� she says. 鈥淭he next week I was back home in Syracuse, tying my mother鈥檚 shoes.鈥�

鈥淢ary, I鈥檓 losing it,鈥� MacDonald recalls her mother telling her in the months before the diagnosis. As the illness set in, what was once easy to dismiss as ordinary forgetfulness and changes in mood gave way to disorientation, anti-social behaviors, and delusions.

MacDonald was her parents鈥� only child, and her father wasn鈥檛 well either. Her responsibilities required a geographic separation from her then fianc茅鈥攁nd now husband鈥擪arl Ackerman. But when her mother experienced a bad fall, MacDonald returned to Boston, taking her mother along. While the Boston area boasts extraordinary medical services, she found that, in many ways, neither she, nor her mother, was well served.

鈥淪he basically experienced her end of life through several different health care facilities,鈥� MacDonald says. She rattles them off. Acute care. Assisted living. Specialty acute care. And finally, the skilled nursing facility where her mother died.

Meanwhile, MacDonald suffered acute stress and fatigue 鈥渢hat nearly killed me at age 36,鈥� she says. And for seven months after her mother鈥檚 death, the Phi Beta Kappa graduate remained on the sofa watching HGTV. 鈥淚 left only to go to grief counseling,鈥� she says.

Since willing herself off that couch鈥攚ith the help of family, friends, and Karl, who, she says 鈥渟tuck with me through the terribleness鈥濃�擬acDonald has been on what she calls a survivor鈥檚 mission. In 2010, she founded MaryMac Missions to 鈥渢each self-care to family and professional caregivers affected by Alzheimer鈥檚/dementia.鈥� The stresses she faced both during and after caring for her mother were devastating, but common. And there鈥檚 a wealth of research offering evidence-based interventions that could help caregivers, if only they knew about it, MacDonald says.

Since she attended her first conference 10 years ago, she鈥檚 made herself into a respected expert in dementia caregiving. She speaks at conferences and before local organizations; offers research-based training to professional and family caregivers; leads retreats; facilitates caregiver support groups and offers individual support; and connects people to resources through her website, Marymacmissions.com. The one-time psychology and German double major has also completed a master鈥檚 degree in pastoral counseling and become a certified yoga instructor, life coach, and group leader. Her work has been supported by organizations such as the Massachusetts Department of Developmental Services and private donors.

For the past three years, she鈥檚 been working on a new, related project. She and Karl have opened up their Topsfield, Massachusetts, home鈥攁nd a series of gardens along a wheelchair-accessible path they built in 2010 for Mary鈥檚 father鈥攆or what鈥檚 called a memory caf茅.

There are hundreds of memory caf茅s in North America. But Mary and Karl鈥檚 Memory Caf茅 in the Garden has been attracting notice as possibly the only one in an outdoor setting鈥攖hat鈥檚 according to the Santa Fe dementia care expert Jytte Lokvig, who featured it in a recent book, The Alzheimer鈥檚 and Memory Caf茅: How to Start and Succeed with Your Own Caf茅 (Endless Circle Press).

At Memory Caf茅 in the Garden, people with dementia and their caregivers explore the gardens together, and participate in activities related to music, movement, and art. The gardens have kept visitors such as Darcy Morales-Zullo and her father, Pedro, coming. 鈥淢y Dad and I are completely at peace and engulfed by the beauty of these gardens,鈥� she says.

As the caf茅 attracts more notice鈥攊t鈥檚 been featured in several Boston-area news outlets, including, most recently, Merrimack Valley Magazine鈥擬ary and Karl have made events they once offered monthly available almost every weekend. Neither a business nor a nonprofit, the memory caf茅 is, as the couple writes on the caf茅鈥檚 website, Rest-stop-ranch.com, 鈥渏ust Karl and Mary鈥� for now. And work on the gardens鈥斺�渁 long-term, life-long project鈥濃�攚ill continue.